New Year, New Lessons

Love is not denying ourselves and doing for others, but rather it is honestly expressing whatever our feelings and needs are and empathetically receiving the other person's feelings and needs. To receive empathetically does not mean that you must comply-just accurately receive what is expressed as a gift of life from the other person. Love is honestly expressing our own needs; that doesn't mean making demands, but just, "Here I am. Here's what I like." - Being Me, Loving You by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Phd

I've been loving others so wrong for so long.

Where do we get these ideas that denying ourselves is the best way to care for someone else, let alone ourselves? How do we come to a place of giving and receiving that both the giving and the receiving feels like a gift? 

I am just now realizing that I've been living in the 'deny ourselves and do for others' version of 'love' for so long that 

a) I'm exhausted 

b) I've got some serious resentment to unravel 

c) I no longer know what my feelings or needs even are, if I ever once did... 

Love is not denying ourselves and doing for others, but rather it is honestly expressing whatever our feelings and needs are and empathetically receiving the other person's feelings and needs.

Oof.

I think I am much better at recognizing others' needs and feelings as criticism and insufficiencies in myself. I lose focus of the one I'm in relationship with and trying so hard to love well and look back at myself, but in a critical way instead of in a helpful way. I want to retrain myself to recognize my dear ones' needs as a gift of life. To pause my own inner-dialogue for that moment and really hear what's missing... and then see if I can support them to meet those needs and/or desires or if it's a situation that I can only hear and understand them.

To receive empathetically does not mean that you must comply-just accurately receive what is expressed as a gift of life from the other person.

Love is honestly expressing our own needs; that doesn't mean making demands, but just, "Here I am. Here's what I like."

I've been trying to take a few minutes every night before I lay down to sleep each night to journal some of my day and how I felt as a result of the compilation of those events. It's amazing to realize as someone who feels very deeply, that I have no idea how to identify those feelings or how difficult it is to put words to them. 

List of likes

I'm sharing this mostly as a way for myself to process.

I'm trying to use my voice more and identify what's going on in the inner workings of my heart. 

I'm trying to care for myself and allow the space and time to work through some things that, to be completely honest, I haven't even identified yet, but have somehow brought me to a halt.

I know that some of the things I've been doing (or not doing) lately have been hurtful or offensive to others, that's certainly not my intent. 

I am solely trying to, like Humpty, put my pieces back together again - trust me, it's messy.

Please understand that my hibernation is my best attempt to heal my broken pieces so I can really know and love those God's placed in my life. I know it seems counterintuitive to withdraw in a time like this, but I promise you good things are happening(!)... it's just a slow process.

...we accept the love we think we deserve.

I currently have a pretty awful commute bridging my home and my work. I've learned to get pretty creative with that time in hopes of preventing physical aggression or worse... losing my mind. 

I recently discovered the world of podcasts and it's been SUCH a game-changer. I mean, it's not like I never see anything interesting on my commute...

...but it really does help to take my mind off the time I'm losing to listen to something that sets my mind on things that help me grow and heal and that inspire and encourage me.

Today I listened to a podcast honoring one of my favorite people, one whom I've never met, but greatly anticipate meeting one day: the great, Brennan Manning. I believe it was a youth group teaching and the title was, 'What has Brennan Manning taught us about life together?'

The beginning of the podcast was a little hard to follow, but they shared a clip from the movie, 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'. (Sounds like a great film and novel!) The line that stood out to me before they even got to the good stuff, the Brennan Manning sharing part, was this:

Student: Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?

Teacher: Are we talking about anyone in specific...? 

*silence*

Teacher: ...we accept the love we think we deserve. 

Student: Can we make them see they deserve more?

Teacher: All we can do is try.

Hours later, I have to wonder how true that is of my life. How true is it for those that allow me to be a part of their lives?

//

The following is a video of the few minutes shared in this podcast. At the beginning of the podcast today, the speaker said if you've heard Brennan Manning speak once, you've heard all his teachings because he shares the same truth every time. While that's true, I can never get enough of his words. I re-listen everything of his and even often have to write them out to chew and digest them as best as I can. 

I hope you're challenged and encouraged by these few minutes and beautiful words spoken by Brennan Manning depicting the beauty of brokenness and trust in our Sweet Jesus...

In the 48 years since I was first ambushed by Jesus, in a little chapel in the Allegheny Mountains of western Pennsylvania, and in literally the thousands of hours of prayer and meditation, silence and solitude over those years, I am now utterly convinced that on Judgement Day, the Lord Jesus is gonna ask each of us one question and just one question: 

'Did you believe that I loved you? That I desired you? That I waited for you day after day? That I longed to hear the sound of your voice?'

The real believers there will answer, 'Yes, Jesus. I believed in your love and I tried to shape my life as a response to it.' 

But many of us who are so faithful in our ministry and our practice and our churchgoing, are going to have to reply, 'Well frankly, no, sir. I mean, I never really believed it. I mean, I heard a lot of wonderful sermons and teachings about it, in fact, I gave quite a few myself, but I always thought that was just a way of speaking, a kindly lie some Christian's pious pat on the back to cheer me on.' 

And there's the difference between the real believers and the nominal Christians that are bound in our Churches across the land. 

No one can measure like a believer the depth and the intensity of God's love, but at the same time, no one can measure like a believer the effectiveness of our gloom, pessimism, low self-esteem, self-hatred, and despair that block God's way to us. 

Do you see why it is so important to lay hold of this basic truth of our faith? Because you're only going to be as big as your own concept of God. 

Remember the famous line of the French philosopher, Blaise Pascal? 'God made man in his own image and man returned the compliment.' We often make God in our own image and He winds up to be as fussy, rude, narrow-minded, legalistic, judgmental, unforgiving, and unloving as we are. 

In the past couple of three years, I have preached the Gospel to the financial community in Wall Street of NYC, the airmen and women of the Air-force Academy of Colorado Springs, a thousand physicians in Nairobi, I've been in churches in Lagrangian, Miami, Chicago, St. Louis, Seattle, San Diego, and honest, the God of so many Christians I meet is a God who's too small for me! Because he is not the God of the Word. He is not the God revealed by and in Jesus Christ who this moment comes right to your seat and says,

'I have a word for you.

I know your whole life story. I know every skeleton in your closet. I know every moment of sin, shame, dishonest, and degraded love that has darkened your past. Right now, I know your shallow faith, your feeble prayer life, your inconsistent discipleship.

And my word is this:

I dare you to trust that I love you just as you are and not as you should be, because you're never gonna be as you should be.   

'white-knuckling'

Life is hard. 

Am I right?

I mean, I don't have anything out of the ordinary to really complain about, but this crazy thing that I somehow always feel I need to have a real grip on (life), is confusing, and grey and, just really hard to navigate!

I am a feeler. 

I base my thoughts and decisions and opinions more off of my intuition and emotions than on pure logic and reasoning. That being said, I feel very deeply. Everything. I don't know how to change this. Being more 'mindful' of it often merely highlights the fact that my heart is very active and can get distracting from things that need my focus and attention. 

I have a good grip of who I am and I very much enjoy that individual. I am also a people pleaser and do what I can to do just that... I like being happy; therefore, I enjoy being a catalyst and brightening other peoples' days. Not entirely a bad thing. 

Until. I let it go too far. 

Recently I found myself compromising who I am deep down in my core in an attempt to impress someone I knew and cared for many moons ago. Nothing I was doing was beneficial to either of us. My Our communication was nearly nonexistent. I found myself keeping to myself because he didn't seem interested and would mostly only share critical comments on who I was and the fears that I carried with me. Through all this, I discovered a hang-up I have allowed into quite a few areas of my life: I am now aware that I am pretty notorious for 'white-knuckling'. 

This experience has taught me that I cling to that which I desire the most in fear of losing it, but that desperate energy that fuels my existence chases these things away. (Duh. Scary!) Apparently, sometimes the mere purpose of a relationship is to tear down your walls. Shake you awake. Reveal the best parts of you to you. Sometimes that requires ample amounts of ruthless self-awareness and introspection. Again, not easy and certainly not fun.

Through all this discovery, I've come to the conclusion that there is an expiration to how long we hold onto something. We are unable to hold onto something that is no longer serving us - sometimes this comes in the form of an unexpected expense, an unfortunate layoff, or a super out-of-the-blue blindsiding breakup. When something is no longer serving our best interest, it will be removed from our lives regardless of our preference. If you're over attached to someone out of fear of being alone, that clinging and clutching result in even greater pain when the relationship ends or shifts into another direction.

What am I doing to rid my life of this hangup? 

That's a great question...

I don't have a formula.

My approach is going to be one that allows more room for freedom and encouragement to be myself, less room for painful criticism and the perspective of unworthiness, and more room for acceptance, satisfaction, and love. 

I know this might sound pretty hippy, dippy, but heartache sucks and sometimes the revelations it brings with it are kind of mind-blowing!

We all have the opportunity to surrender to the natural flow of life, love, true connection. The trick is whether we allow ourselves to loosen the grip we've become so accustomed to in order for authenticity to shine through. My goal is to embrace change and step out in to this beautiful world with an open heart and open palms!

l'amour de Dieu est folie!

I am sad to say I have finished the book, The Ragamuffin Gospel. It's okay though, I savored it a good, long time and will revisit it probably forever. (If you haven't yet, I highly suggest getting your own copy! I have cherished so many truths from this book and, as a result, marked my own copy up pretty royally!) 

If I were to share each bit that I loved, I'd end up rewriting the whole book on here... that's not the best approach, so I'm going to share with you the last bit that I found so wonderful. 

If you know me very well at all... you know I'm not a big fan of being told what to do, and generally don't respond very well in those situations. Somehow, with that quirk, I do appreciate step-by-step instruction and guidance. (Don't worry if it doesn't make sense, I don't get it either.) The last chapter of Brennan Manning's book The Ragamuffin Gospel gives excellent practical application to an exercise of the heart. 

Again, I suggest reading the book in it's entirety, but this is something I think anyone would benefit from.

The chapter is titled, 'A Touch of Folly'. Life is difficult and the truth of God's word doesn't always make sense. Oftentimes, we need a touch of folly to wrap our minds around the overwhelming truth and beauty of His love for us!

The first step toward rejuvenation begins with accepting where you are and exposing your poverty, frailty, and emptiness to the love that is everything. Don't try to feel anything, think anything, or do anything. With all the goodwill in the world you cannot make anything happen. Don't force prayer. Simply relax in the presence of the God you half believe in and ask for a touch of folly.

Such a suggestion seems easy enough: Accept where you are. Surrender yourself to love. 

(Trickier than it sounds!)

...gently close your eyes and assume any position that is comfortable so long as you keep your spine straight -- standing, sitting, kneeling, or lying on your back with your knees bent. Imagine Jesus glancing at you either the way He glanced at the apostle John in the Upper Room when, in an incredible gesture of intimacy, he laid his head on Jesus' chest, or the way He looked at the sinful woman washing His feet with her tears and drying them with her hair. For ten minutes pray over and over the fist strophe of Psalm 23: 'The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing'.

For the next ten minutes pray over this passage from Hosea and wherever you see the word Israel, replace it with your own name:

So I would say:

Lauren, how could I give you up?

My heart turns against it.

When Lauren was a child I loved her, 

I myself taught her to walk, 

I took her in my arms; 

Yet she has not understood that I was the one looking after her. 

I led her with reins of kindness, 

with leading-strings of love.

I was like someone who lifts an infant close against his cheek;

stooping down to her I gave her her food.

How could I treat you like Admah,

or deal with you like Zeboiim?

My heart recoils from it, 

my whole being trembles at the thought. 

I will not give reign to my fierce anger, 

I will not destroy Ephraim again

for I am God, not man;

I am the holy one in your midst

and have no wish to destroy.

(Hosea 11:1a, 3-4, 8c-9, NAB)

Finally, for the last five minutes of this faith exercise read aloud slowly these three texts:

This is why I am going to lure her and lead her into the wilderness and speak to her heart. I am going to give her back her vineyards, and make the Valley of Achor a gateway of hope. Then she will respond to me as she did when she was young, and she did when she came out of the land of Egypt (Hosea 2:14-15).

The Lord called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he named me my name... Does a woman forget her baby at the breast, or fail to cherish the son of her womb? Yet even if these I forget, I will never forget you. See I have branded you on the palms of my hands, your ramparts are always under my eye (Isaiah 49:1, 15-16).

In face of all this, what is there left to say? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not hesitate to give what was most precious to himself -- gave as a matter of fact over into our hands -- can we not trust such a God to give us, with him, everything else that we need? (Romans 8:31-32).

The reminders and revelations I had through the journey of this book have been so invaluable. Absolutely priceless. To realize the furious, passionate love of God for me is unreal. It does take a dose of folly to accept this truth. 

I was particularly drawn to this paragraph for nostalgic reasons:

Should you ever have the opportunity to celebrate Easter in France, whether it be a large metropolis such as Paris, Bordeaux, Lyon, or Dijon or a small village such as Saint-Remy (where I lived for six months), you will see one phrase written on the walls of buildings or the sides of buses in script or black print. You will hear the one phrase sung, chanted, and recited in the churches; you wil hear it exchanged as an Easter greeting as people pass on the street: 'L'amour de Dieu est folie!' -- The love of God is folly.

Whimsical when you come right down to it. 

It's possible that there will come a day when I am not reading through the writings of Brennan Manning and I will then return to sharing my own thoughts on here... until that day comes, I don't want to taint his words.... so I'll leave you with them. :)

Enjoy the refreshing truth of God's crazy love for YOU!

Freedom From Fear

It's been nearly four years since I first cracked open this sweet book, The Ragamuffin Gospel. I may have said this before, but it's so true, I feel the  need to say it again -- Brennan Manning has a way of portraying truth that is raw and vulnerable. It's hard not to relate to it. There is such weight with the concepts and topics he covers and they're all so relevant to this life we lead that I have yet to make it all the way through his beautifully painted picture of grace; the words that make up the pages of this book.

Today I read through chapter 8 for the third time... I've marked it and taken my notes to the best of my abilities and in attempts to not share the chapter in it's entirety with  you... but it may come close... so, I apologize in advance for that!

The basis of this book is to convey to it's reader that the truth of grace can be a reality lived out in our lives. Oftentimes we claim to grasp the concept of grace and are willing and able to portray it to others, but don't fully understand it and truly believe it's power and liberation in our cores.

While we profess our faith in God's unconditional love, many of us still live in fear. Nouwen remarks: 'Look at the many 'if' questions we raise: What am I going to do if I do not find a spouse, a house, a job, a friend, a benefactor? What am I going to do if they fire me, if I get sick, if an accident happens, if I lose my friends, if my marriage does not work out, if a war breaks out? What if tomorrow the weather is bad, the buses are on strike, or an earthquake happens? What if someone steals my money, breaks into my house, rapes my daughter, or kills me?

I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but these past few years has been one of the most difficult seasons of my life. Currently, I feel like every compartment of my life is up in the air: hanging in a juggling act, a holding pattern of sorts. I can just see all these possibilities floating among the clouds. I want to be able to grasp them, to rely on something, to commit to a 'plan'... but I feel that each time something comes up. I can only say, 'It really just depends...'

Depends on what, you ask? (Sometimes I do too.) Depends on everything! A job prospect, a possible friend, location, salary, motives, community, vibe... Seriously. I'm that girl.

I feel like Henri Nouwen in these moments. I raise so many questions that I fail to see what's going on right here, right now. I do everything within my means to 'make' something happen out of my own efforts and fail to acknowledge that God's the one in control. Without trusting Him I'll be in this blasted season for the rest of my life. Tough lesson. Tough love? I'm not exactly sure just yet.

Back to the text:

Once these questions guide our lives, we take out a second mortgage in the house of fear.

Jesus says simply, 'Make your home in me, as I make mine in you' (John 15.4). Home is not a heavenly mansion in the afterlife but a safe place right in the midst of our anxious world. 'If anyone loves me he will keep my word, and my Father will love him' (John 14.23).

Home is that sacred space -- external or internal -- where we don't have to be afraid; where we are confident of hospitality and love. In our society we have many homeless people sleeping not only on the streets, in shelters or in welfare hotels, but vagabonds who are in flight, who never come home to themselves. They seek a safe place through alcohol or drugs, or security in success, competence, friends, pleasure, notoriety, knowledge, or even a little religion. They have become strangers to themselves, people who have an address but are never at home, who never hear the voice of love or experience the freedom of God's children.

I realized that this is my life. I am a vagabond. I even named my attempts of a company after the concept. This blog is titled 'girl with a gypsy heart.' I, at my deepest being, in my core, am a wanderer. Constantly in flight, in fear of slowing down and facing myself.

Jesus says: 'You have a home... I am your home... claim me as your home... you will find it to be the intimate place where I have found my home... it is right where you are... in your innermost being... in your heart.'

I know these things to be true. Why is it so difficult to claim them as my own and let them be my reality?

Here is the root of Christian joy and mirth. It is why theologian Roger Hotchkins at the University of Chicago can insist: 'Christians ought to be celebrating constantly. We ought to be preoccupied with parties, banquets, feasts, and merriment. We ought to give ourselves over to the veritable orgies of joy because we have been liberated from the fear of life and the fear of death. We ought to attract people to the church quite literally by the fun there is in being a Christian.' Unfortunately we sometimes become somber, serious, and pompous. We fly in the face of freedom and grimly dig deeper into the trenches. In the words of Teresa of Avila, 'from silly devotions and sour-faced saints, spare us, O Lord.'

I'm sure this is one of my biggest struggles with the church or organized 'religion/faith'. There are so many contradictions! We preach freedom, but have expectations of near perfection. We claim that we're not perfect, but are to walk in a manner worthy of Jesus. Jesus is worthy of perfection... yet, He knows we're not perfect - at least, not here, not now.

We must choose either Christ or the Law as author of salvation.

The other day I was having a conversation with someone about the Blue Zones Project and they were saying how they want to create events and opportunities for the community to come together and unify that is open, inviting, and welcoming to everyone. Why do I bring this up? I bring this up because the next thing she mentioned was that these events won't be happening at churches because not everyone feels welcomed or invited in a building with a purpose to house the public worship of one belief. I have been attending church my whole life and I still feel that way. I was overwhelmed with sadness, just this past Sunday, at the realization that sitting in the huge congregation, surrounded by literally hundreds of other people, I felt more alone than I do on my own at home. How am I supposed to satisfy my need for community? So, that conversation about the Blue Zones caught me off guard at first, but then rang just a bit too clearly. It's horrible.

We have undoubtedly heard that freedom is not license for lust. Maybe that's all we've heard -- what it isn't. 'Such an approach, whatever its limited truth, is defensive and afraid. Those using it wish above all to warn us of the dangers of thinking about freedom, of yearning for freedom. Such an approach generally ends up by showing us, or at least attempting to show us, that freedom actually consists in following the law or in submitting to authority or in walking a well-trod path. Again, there may be some truth in these conclusions but there is lacking a sense of the dark side of the law, and of authority, and of the well-trod path. Each may be and has been turned into an instrument of tyranny and human suffering.'

Some of the words used in that past paragraph make me cringe. They're often very good things, but after experiencing them in an unhealthy manner, they create an unsettling effect in my heart.

Re-focusing on FREEDOM:

What does freedom in the Spirit look like? 'Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom' (2 Corinthians 3.17).

Freedom in Christ produces a healthy independence from peer pressure, people-pleasing, and the bondage of human respect. The tyranny of public opinion can manipulate our lives. What will the neighbors think? What will people think? The expectations of others can exert a subtle but controlling pressure on our behavior.

In Christ Jesus freedom from fear empowers us to let go of the desire to appear good, so that we can move freely in the mystery of who we really are.

How beautiful is that?! Because of Jesus, our all-powerful Savior, we have the freedom to move in the beautiful mystery of who we really are, the unique and wonderful being the Triune God and Creator of the universe created us to be! Hallelujah!

This is encouraging:

Disgruntled and disgusted, The Prince of Darkness slinks up to the chalet of bummed-out disciples who have made their home in Jesus and nails a legal document to the door:

EVICTION NOTICE!

You are hereby banished from

the House of Fear forever.

With malice aforethought, you have

flagrantly withheld the monthly rent

Of guilt, anxiety, fear, shame,

and self-condemnation.

You have adamantly refused to

worry about your salvation.

Already I overheard one dismal tenant say,

'There goes the neighborhood!'

Your freedom from fear is not only

dangerous but contagious.

Real estate values have plummeted;

gullible investors are hard to find.

Why?

Your callous and carefree rejection

of slavery!

A pox on you and

all deluded lovers of liberty!

-The Prince

Oh, how I pray that would be the reality of my freedom. I pray that I would realize the joy and liberation at hand. I really think I do, often even. But sometimes I get so bogged down by what others might think or perceive of my actions or situation. I become more concerned with their view of me than I do of my sweet Jesus' view of me. Ugh, how quickly I lose sight of His unending love for me. How can I miss His constant pursual of me? I need perpetual reminders that in Christ I am free. Apart from Him, I'm hopeless.

Living by grace inspires a growing consciousness that I am what I am in the sight of Jesus and nothing more. It is His approval that counts. making our home in Jesus, as He makes His in us, leads to creative listening: 'Has it crossed your mind that I am proud you accepted the gift of faith I offered you? Proud that you freely chose Me, after I had chosen you, as your friend and Lord? Proud that with all your warts and wrinkles you haven't given up? Proud that you believe in Me enough to try again and again?

Are you aware how I appreciate you for wanting Me? I want you to know how grateful I am when you pause to smile and comfort a child who has lost her way. I am grateful for the hours you devote to learning more about Me; for the word of encouragement you passed on to your burnt-out pastor, for your visit to the shut-in, for your tears for the retarded. What you did to them, you did to Me. Alas, I am sad when you do not believe that I have totally forgiven you or you feel uncomfortable approaching Me.

Whoa. There's an eye-opener. It seems I need to work on my creative listening, relying on the grace He's always provided.

This is an example that rang so true to me. My heart is hard-wired to be drawn to children. They are fascinating and wonderful. They bring me joy and make the deepest parts of my heart shine through.

A little child cannot do a bad coloring: nor can a child of God do a bad prayer. 'A father is delighted when his little one, leaving off her toys and friends, runs to him and climbs into his arms. As he holds his little one close to him, he cares little whether the child is looking around, her attention flitting from one thing to another, or just settling down to sleep. Essentially the child is choosing to be with her father, confident of the love, the care, the security that is hers in those arms. Our prayer is much like that. We settle down in our Father's arms, in his loving hands. Our mind, our thoughts, our imagination may flit about here and there; we might even fall asleep; but essentially we are choosing for this time to remain intimately with our Father, giving ourselves to him, receiving his love and care, letting him enjoy us as he will. It is very simple prayer. It is very childlike prayer. It is prayer that opens us out to all the delights of the kingdom.

Isn't that freeing?! Not to say that maturity is something to be overlooked or even not sought after, but at the end of the day, we are His. We are children of God, loved regardless of what we're up to. I once had a boyfriend who was very... tight-laced? He was great, there's no doubt about it, but the two of us had some major differences and our view on how we can approach God was one of them. I think the first red-flag for me was when he tried to correct me after we had prayed together. He was quite a bit more knowlegeable than me on Biblical matters and I trusted him in most of these things. I admit that I don't take correction well, but I think that my conversations with God are a very precious, yet vulnerable thing. Something that is not to be taken lightly and something that I should be free to approach Him no matter where I'm at. *sigh* This tid-bit about the child and her father I just shared with you was the first recognizable thing to help me conquer the insecurity and confusion that I've been wrestling with from that dilemma for the past 5 years. Praise Jesus for breakthroughs. :)

If we have made peace with our flawed humanity and embraced our ragamuffin identity, we are able to tolerate in others what was previously unacceptable in ourselves.

How easy is it to judge others of things we, ourselves are all too capable of, and have even probably struggled with at one time or another anyway? We're all broken. We're all imperfect. What do you think would happen if we came together and rallied for compassion? :) How do you think we could impact this world if we chose love rather than judgement. What if we had a revolution of healing rather than constant war. It's true, I'm a dreamer, but I am encouraged by David's words in Psalm 20 verse 4: May he grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans! We were meant to be dreamers! And hear me now, believe me now: I'm not the only one!

The gentleness of Jesus with sinners flowed from his ability to read their hearts. Behind people's grumpiest poses and most puzzling defense mechanisms, behind their arrogance and airs, behind their silence, sneers, and causes, Jesus saw little children who hadn't been loved enough and who had ceased growing because someone had ceased believing in them. His extraordinary sensitivity caused Jesus to speak of the faithful as children no matter how tall, rich, clever, and successful they might be.

'Assured of your salvation by the unique grace of our Lord Jesus Christ...' is the heartbeat of the gospel, joyful liberation from fear of the Final Outcome, a summons to self-acceptance, and freedom for a life of compassion toward others.

This is my prayer. That I will be able to love others as Jesus does. That I will be able to overlook the hurt and offenses and see the child within. That by loving people, Jesus will reach peoples hearts through me. That through my relationship with Him, others will come to a place of joyful liberation, self-acceptance, and a life of compassion towards others.

In a Catch-22 situation, the way of gentleness brings healing to ourselves and gentleness toward ourselves brings healing to others. Solidarity with ragamuffins frees the one who receives compassion and liberates the one who gives it in the conscious awareness 'I am the other.'

What a beautiful cycle.

With all that said... :) I challenge the 2.4 people who will read this to take a closer look at the fears that are keeping you from living a life of freedom and liberation. What are some things that you need to address today that would enable you to see others as the children of God they are? What are the things you can forgive yourself for and heal from? What are the specific flaws that you've been holding against yourself?

What are some steps that you can take today to make peace with your flawed humanity? How can you fully embrace your ragamuffin identity? We've all got things we'd rather not have. We've all got scars, baggage, hurts... think about some things that were previously unacceptable in yourself -- that had someone known and tolerated, would have resulted in a moment of healing. 

Go and be that person.

Love those you encounter.

pit-stop on my way to my most favorite place to sit with Jesus - a place where liberation was always a guarantee.

**All the excerpts from this post came from the eighth chapter of the book The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning.

courtney & matt | engagement

Ah, Courtney & Matt. :)

So fun, so kind, SUCH a great couple. 

Matt is an adventurous, explorer type all the way from Alaska. He curiously found himself working in a diner in small-town, Po-Dunk, Iowa, one summer only to discover there was so much more there than just a summer with his buddies. 

Courtney had always worked at Bill's. I know it was her beauty that first caught Matt's eye, and can only assume it was her self-less, gentle demeanor that kept his attention throughout the summer. 

For the sake of love, let's rewind just a smidge...

After high school, Matt made his way to the University of Oregon to study all things athletic and beneficial to physical health and prosperity. (I'm sure the title of his major was very similar, but slightly less romantic.) He loved his new life on the continental Best Coast and made many great, lifelong friends. Among those friends, one managed to talk Matt into traveling back to his hometown of Po-Dunk, Iowa for their summer break... if only they'd known what life-long treasures that summer had in store for him!

Now, as for Courtney, she would probably be found on the other end of the spectrum of exploring and such... Her adventures mostly include home-made, delightful creations and maybe a brief exposure to the great outdoors. She's got a giggle that has been proven to make your heart swell (yes, just like the Grinch's). When God made her, he created a woman who was naturally everything you've always loved about your very favorite Grandma, (seriously, her kitchen always smells of fresh baked cookies, she's the most hospitable person I've met this side of Ireland, she's kind, gentle, encouraging, sweet... the list could go on and on.)

Yet, different as they may be, God brought them together one hot, Iowan summer. The two worked side-by-side serving pizza, burgers, and beer to the local crowd of Po-Dunk, Iowa.

Despite their expectations, a bond came from their jobs.

I presume you've caught on from the title and the gorgeous ring and how incredibly happy these two are together that they're getting hitched. :) It's true, but there's just a bit more I'd like to tell you...

Matt and Courtney have a GORGEOUS love story. They now have oodles and oodles of lovey-dovey photos to remember this season of their life with. (That's what happens when you hire a hopeless romantic for a photographer!) But more than these things, they're REAL PEOPLE. Sometimes an outsider might even get the crazy idea that they don't like each other (seldom, but it happens!) Courtney and Matt are REAL PEOPLE with a REAL LOVE. Over the last 3 years they've been through good times and bad, they've made the best of distance and being near each other, they've made hard decisions and been blessed with loads of adventures. They share a beautiful love because they work at it. 

I am inspired by these two as individuals, but also as a couple. They're a great team. They know how special their relationship is because they've been in situations where they've been without the other for much longer than ideal. They encourage each other and challenge each other to be better people and better parts of their communities. One of my favorite things about Matt & Courtney is being with either one of them one-on-one. Regardless of what conversations they've had or situations they are in at that time, they always have something to say about the other and just they way they say it oozes of their love for the other. I don't know if that last bit made any sense at all... but these two have got what it takes! They're an excellent model for what I'd like to be a part of one day when I fall in love. 

Thanks for being such an inspiration and example, you two. 

Love you both to the moon and back. :)