Monday, October 13, 2014

today's THE DAY.

If I'm being honest with you, I have to say I feel like I'm tearing my heart out and throwing it across a lake...

Dramatic. I know... 

You see, I have this problem... this bug of sorts. 

I have to travel. 

I need to explore. 
I thrive off meeting new people and being in places that aren't familiar. 

As the title of this blog suggests, I'm a bit of a gypsy. I don't speak Romani. Unfortunately I don't have dark skin nor do I live among a commune or tell fortunes. I am, however, a free spirit and I love to see the world.

A few times along this journey we call life, I've had the opportunity to live in places with incredible people and opportunities every way you turn... I suppose every place is like that if we allow it to be, but while living in a couple of my places, the very deepest parts of my heart just felt so alive. I'm heading back to one of those places... because it's overall mentality and culture is what I need to achieve my dreams. 

For the past five years, (a record for me!) I've lived back in my hometown. It's been absolutely wonderful, but there's always this tug on my heart pulling me elsewhere. 

This past season (the past year or so) has been one of discovery and liberation as I have slowly been able to uncover interests and gifts that I can put to use as a career. (Extra liberating as I have always wanted to be a momma and just in the previous season of life came to grips with acknowledging that as a good and healthy desire and goal!) I am very excited about the things I'll be learning and the way I'll be able to pour into the lives of others.

However. Right now. In this very moment, I am very sad. I am also a little terrified. 

I've been feeling this way for a couple weeks now - it's taken a while to wrap my mind around this being my new and current reality and no longer a dream.

I'm sad to leave the ones I love so dearly.

As much as I love being somewhere unfamiliar and new, I'm sad to be somewhere other than my hometown where I know people and can freely hug and wander. :) (Two of my favorite things!)

I've been trying to pinpoint my fear and I've been able to acknowledge that it's not the journey out west that I'm afraid of. It's not the fact that I don't have a job and am not entirely sure when I will have one again. I'm very much excited for the unknown and the fact that I don't have a concrete plan, so it's not that either... it's that I won't have constant, tangible access to my family. Ugh, I tell you, that's just the worst right now. If you haven't had the opportunity to meet them... first of all, you're missing out. And, secondly, they might sometimes have a bit of a front that's difficult to read ;) but they're absolutely the most wonderful people alive. But, then again, I'm SUPER biased. :)

Okay, so what I've been trying to remind myself over and over lately is that I can't dwell on what I'm leaving because there are such incredible things waiting for me ahead. I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that this is the right timing and the right action for me to take, but goodness, it is hard! 

In a few hours I'll take the first few steps in my new adventure...

Tears make it hard to put words together, did you know that?

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